So how do we get rid of it?
What’s wrong with it again?
The hole. It’s the hole.
Can’t we patch it?
No, we can’t patch it.
Maybe cover it. We could cover it. A little wood on the bottom or something.
It’s not just the hole. It’s the wheels.
The wheels?
The wheel. It’s the wheel. It came off.
Why didn’t you tell me?
Does it matter?
I wish you had told me.
I tried to fix it. The hardware store doesn’t sell single wheels. You have to buy a whole other can.
How did it come off?
I don’t know.
I wish you had told me.
It doesn’t matter, it needs to go anyway.
You think someone took our wheel? You know, maybe they were missing a wheel. Maybe they saw what bad shape our can was in. They could have taken it.
Then what happened to their original wheel?
It must have fallen off.
Maybe someone took theirs.
Oh, Hugh, be serious.
I am, Mary. It has to go.
Didn’t you try and throw it away?
Yes, several weeks before.
Well?
Well what?
Why is it still here?
I don’t know. I left a note. I don’t know.
What did it say?
The note?
The note.
“Garbage”.
Well, that’s why they didn’t take it.
Why?
Because it said garbage.
And?
And…of course it’s garbage.
I know, that’s what I wrote.
No, it’s garbage. They thought it was holding garbage.
There was nothing in the can.
You confused the garbage men.
How? There was a note that said garbage. That’s not hard to understand.
The recycling bin says “recycle”.
Yes, yes it does.
But they don’t throw the bin in with the rest of the recyclables in the truck.
That’s different.
No, it’s not.
It’s written in permanent marker on the recycling bin. Mine was a note.
You confused them.
There was nothing inside it.
Did you try again?
The next week I put it inside one of our other garbage bins. I thought they would throw it out like they do the trash.
And?
They didn’t.
Maybe they thought you were reinforcing the trash can. People do that; double them up to make them more durable.
No they don’t.
Maybe not, but it makes sense though.
Not when it has wheels, and ours only had one wheel. It wasn’t even sitting right in the other can. They knew it was garbage; they had to have known.
What happened the following week?
I loaded it in our car and dropped if off two blocks down.
Dropped it off where?
Someone’s garbage pile.
How did it get back here?
The address. I forgot our address was on the can. In permanent marker. It was right there on our lawn with the others again. Just sitting right there waiting when I got home. Then the week after I wrapped it in garbage bags. One on each end.
And they didn’t take it?
Nope.
Should have used the black garbage bags- they’re bigger.
We only have the white ones.
Maybe we can keep it.
No, no we can’t keep it. It has a hole. And no wheel. It doesn’t have a wheel.
We can clean it out real good. Power hose it. Put balls inside it. Don’t we have a basketball and soccer ball?
Only the basketball now. The trash can is too deep to reach into for just one ball.
We can save it. And when our kids are playing sports and needing a place to put their things…
We don’t have kids.
We can put rakes and gardening tools in it.
We have hooks on the wall in the garage that we hang them on.
Oh… Oh! A barrel race!
What?
The can!
What about it?
Our kids!
We don’t even have…
Wouldn’t that be fun? They could use the trash can as a barrel and have a race rolling down the hill.
You can’t have a race if it’s only with one barrel. And what if someone got hurt.
You’re right. I didn’t think about the kids getting hurt.
Can you imagine the kind of hell we would get? Doctors and parents all over us.
What about using the top as a snow sled?
It doesn’t snow here.
We could vacation.
You hate flying.
I wouldn’t if I had a baby to look after.
I think it needs to be recycled. That’s the problem, it needs to be recycled. They wouldn’t take it because it could be recycled.
Would you place it in the recycling bin?
No, it’s too big. Maybe it needs to be cut up.
I don’t think I’d be able to do that. Just sounds so inhumane, we’ve had it for so long.
Couldn’t do it with scissors. Maybe a shape knife will do.
We can keep it, you know.
There’s too much that’s wrong with it. It doesn’t even have a wheel. And the other wheel isn’t sturdy either.
Maybe you ought to get your wheels checked.
You know I’m too young for that to be the problem.
If they’re not the problem, then what is?
I don’t know.
You won’t know until you get them checked.
There’s nothing wrong with them.
How do you know?
They didn’t fall off, did they know?
It’s been a while since I’ve looked.
Maybe it’s your barrel.
My barrel? I get everything checked once a year, every year. It’s you that refuses to do anything about it.
Not that barrel. Your mouth.
What about it?
I lost the top to shut it.
I don’t talk too much. Do I talk too much?
Hmm?
Do I talk to much?
No. Maybe just a little bit.
So I do.
I didn’t say that.
Did you want to say that?
Is that really a question?
Do you plan on answering it?
I forgot which question came first.
Never mind.
Maybe you ought to go outside and talk up the garbage man. He’s used to putting up with shit all day.
That’s what you need to do. Go outside and explain the situation. Just talk to him and get him to take it.
He won’t. He knows what I want and refusing to give me the satisfaction.
You don’t know that.
We’ll have to try and recycle it. And if they won’t take it in the recycling bin, I will just put all the cut-up pieces in the garbage bag and then they will have to throw it out.
The bags would have to be the black kind, in case they could see what it was again. I’d have to go and buy some.
Right.
Maybe we could just call the disposal company.
They charge a fee. I won’t pay for that thing to be thrown away.
We could just write them a little check. They could take it off our hands.
No.
We could just put a “free” sign on it.
Who would take it?
I don’t know, maybe some people with kids.
I told you, it’s too deep to reach into to get some balls out.
Maybe sticks then. Hockey sticks, baseball bats.
No one wants a trash can with a hole in it.
They could cover it up.
It’s missing a wheel.
They could take the other wheel off. We could take the other wheel off.
No one would take the thing if it had a “free” sign on it.
If we dress up the sign they might. People like the word “free”.
I guess you never know.
The trucks are gone.
The trucks?
The garbage trucks.
Gone?
They’re gone.
I didn’t take it out today.
I know. What do you want to do with it now?
I don’t know anymore.
Save it?
No, just keep it for a while.